I don't mean to brag, but before LJ came into my heart, I had a love obsession with porn. It was hot and steamy and frequently orgasmic--I rarely had to fake it. But lately I've gone soft (har) on porn, which pains me and my penis deeply, so I decided to re-visit some of my favorite spank sites to see what I've been missing.
Here's a very brief list of some of the new stuff that was awaiting me:
- Innocent looking teen produces the biggest female ejac ever seen
- Mechanic anally fists some horny white trash chick
- Mariah gets her face slapped with a nice big cock
- Two sluts get double ass fucked and facialled
Good stuff by anyone's standards, but sadly, it just wasn't doing anything for me. The truth is, two people going at it missionary-style used to be more than enough to get me started on a delightful jerk-off session, but over the years I've slowly become desensitized to the standard, run-of-the-mill smut. I've increasingly sought out more hardcore stuff, like that mentioned above, to get my jollies. And now, watching "Mariah get her face slapped with a nice big cock" arouses nothing more than a giant unfulfilled sigh from my forlorn penis. 'Tis a truly sad day indeed.
I was about to cry at this recent turn of events, when a drunken wave of
It was a magical time.
I shut off my computer and searched my apartment thoroughly for a Victoria's Secret Catalogue in a desperate attempt to rekindle this lost masturbatory magic. I eventually found one and began flipping though it in earnest. There were beautiful women inside wearing beautiful things, but as I continued to flip through, my initial excitement at discovering that almost everything in Victoria's catalogue was "sheer" turned into anger as it became painfully obvious that Victoria's definition of "sheer" was not the same as mine. In my book, "sheer" means "see through" - as in, "I could totally see that chick's nips on account of her sheer bra!" Where are the nipples, Victoria? Where are they?! But I digress.
I'm not sure what I'm more embarrassed to admit. The fact that I've become a hideous sexual pervert, or the fact that I long for a massive, Sears-catalogue-induced boner.
Actually, I'm most embarrassed to admit that I'm not embarrassed at all.
P.S. I am really out of my head right now. And horny. And I'll probably delete this post at a later date. Sorry you had to read it.
P.P.S. If anyone's got this years Sears Catalogue, could you kindly send it my way? Thanks much.