Thomas Big Pine (elhoserboy) wrote,
Thomas Big Pine
elhoserboy

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I Wish I Had a Good Pair of Sandals

Last night I was out with the dirty, slutty, and alcoholic portion of the San Francisco population. North Beach, where you can finish your $10 cocktail, walk next door and buy a 12 inch dildo. 'Nuff said.

I stood outside shortly after the bars closed, observing the turbulent mass of humanity that had just been dumped on the sidewalk. Single guys were desperately trying to find girls drunk enough to pair off with and single girls were desperately trying to get away, stumbling often in their high heels. It was all very amusing to me. Large groups of unrelated human beings always are. As such, I was thoroughly enjoying myself, but the moment was cut short by someone shouting--

"I'M GONNA KICK JESUS' ASS!!!"

I turned to see a glassy-eyed youth flailing his arms wildly as his friends attempted to restrain him. As soon as our eyes met, he started thrashing maniacally, but was unable to break free of his friends' grip. He relaxed momentarily, pointed a finger at me accusingly and screamed "YEAH YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" spit flying from the corners of his mouth.

I glanced nervously around, trying to find my backup. I spotted her a few yards away bumming a cigarette off some guy who quite obviously thought she was alone. No help there.

"FUCK JESUS!!!"

I spun back around just in time to see the man break free of his friends and start toward me. Having little time to contemplate a reaction, I asked myself "What would Jesus do?" and decided to let him hit me. I prayed (not really) that there would be enough time between the first punch and the second for me to turn the other cheek.

I stood my ground, but the blow never came. The man tripped and fell to one knee, allowing his friends to regain control of him. They picked him up and hauled him away, kicking and screaming. As I watched them go, one of the guys dragging him along turned around, smiled, and flashed the "peace" sign at me.

Just as they made their way out of sight, the girl I was with rejoined me. "Did you catch any of that?" I asked. She took a drag from her cigarette. "Any of what?"

I sometimes believe that there are three types of people in this world:

Evil people.
Good people.

And those that are unaware of the distinction.
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