October 28th, 2002

beard

Fun with your significant other!

Last Night
Mel: Brian?
Me: Huh?
Mel: Did you want to go to class with me tomorrow?
Me: I don't know...what's the topic?
Mel: "Bend Over Boyfriend."
Me: Yeah, totally!

This Morning
I accompany Melanie to her sex ed class. Today's speaker is a woman who regularly does her husband in the butt with a strap-on and decided to make an instructional video describing how best to engage in this kind of behavior.

The woman starts the video, which is projected on a giant screen behind her. She turns the sound down and begins to lecture on the benefits of anal play. I can barely concentrate on anything she says though, because the screen behind her is showing huge, hairy man-ass being lubed up and poked with various "butt-plugs" and dildos.

At one point, the lady speaker shows up on the video and demonstrates the proper way to strap on a dildo. She then proceeds to bend her husband over a table and go to town on his ringpiece. He does not appear to be having fun, but she assures the audience that the look of intense pain on her husband's face actually means he's enjoying himself immensely.

Most of the audience is clearly disturbed by the images that they are being subjected to. I try to keep an open mind, but have to laugh when the speaker reminds everyone to "always remember that you're seducing an interested, but possibly reluctant butthole." Possibly reluctant?

In the end, I come to the rather mundane conclusion, "to each his own." As to whether my own prostate "feels rather voluptuous" - only my proctologist will ever know for sure.

I leave you with the one point I agree with wholeheartedly:
"The great thing about assholes is that everyone has one."
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beard

That's a bummer, man

Posted up at the gym tonight:

ATTENTION MEMBERS
The hand drier is for drying
your hands only. Please do
not use it to dry clothes
or other body parts.
Thank You.


This really sucks because as every male knows, there's nothing better after a particularly rigorous workout than a blast of hot air to the groin...
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    Jim Brickman